Pontifications and Other Mindless Banter
Cubicle Culture ::
The Life and Times of a non-docile Cubicle Jungle
November 28, 2009
From the "I'm-sorry, you-are-not-intelligent-enough-to-have-made-this-kind-of-error. Put-the-six-year-old, who-is-helping-you, on-the-phone." Department
A conversation overheard at the Regional-Third-Party-Call-Center.
One note: This was the Saturday of the “holiday weekend”, so while the Pharmacy was open, Doctor’s Offices were not (I’m looking at you The-Evil-Doctor-Merlin-Channing-Lowe-Jr..)
Also note: Doctor’s provide Prescriptions, Pharmacists fill them. (some people get these two roles confused)
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October 30, 2009
From the "Glorified-Zombies-in-a-Monkey-Position" Department
Working in the Regional-Third-Party-Call-Center, I’ve rethought my previous post on Technical Name Calling.
If you recall, I cited four classes of jobs:
- Zombie
- Monkey
- Grunt
- Jockey
I’ve refined my definitions, and I think the job roles make more sense now:
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October 28, 2009
From the "Juan-Valdez-is-my-chauffeur" Department
As some of you may not know, while I was unemployed, I was cutting back on the coffee; not for financial purposes, but rather out of convenience. (I didn’t have a “need”/want to drink it.)
As I started this new gig, I saw my Coffee intake increase again, as, once again, Coffee convenient to drink.
It got me to thinking about my coffee drinking history.
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October 23, 2009
From the "If-Only 'Drunkard' was-a-Profession" Department
It took less than one month for The Editors of Jeremy-Gilby-dot-com to find a rant about their new cubicle jungle.
It was lurking in the wings, all this time, and I had noticed it, but thought it was just one of those “new guy” observations which are, nine-times-out-of-ten, useless observations.
But this week two things happened, they didn’t sound related, and they were not, but put them together, and observe the timing, it showed a pattern that I feared was forming.
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October 16, 2009
From the "The-Five-Dysfunctions-of-Management-Books" Department
I figured it out.
I need to write a “Management Book”.
You know, the kind that everyone buys, but no one reads, and gathers dust on an office bookshelf as a talisman of “Hey, I’m a more aware employee, I have this book to prove it!” book.
You know the kind I’m talking about:
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October 2, 2009
From the "Money, get-away. Get-a-good-job-with-good-pay-and-you're-okay." Department
I’m still trying to figure out what to make of this.
On Wednesday, at the Regional-Third-Party-Call-Center, which is contracted to the Not-So-Small-Pharmaceutical-Dispensation-Company, we are all scheduled three weeks in advance.
However, my colleagues informed me that everyone’s schedule for next week was deleted. Since I’m not schedule-obsessed, I took a look, and Shazam, it was gone.
I WAS scheduled to work Monday through Saturday with Wednesday off.
I looked at the schedules today, and they changed.
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September 29, 2009
From the "Fool-me-once... uh.. Shame-on-you, I-forget-the-rest, but-you-can't-get-fooled-again" Department
Yesterday, as I mentioned before, was my first “real” day in the Regional-Third-Party-Call Center.
One thing that is unique (at least in my cubicle jungle experience) is that all the phone monkeys have varied shifts, and because of that we don’t have permanent desks and we “hot seat” our stations. So you have no idea who your neighbors are going to be from day to day.
Which is all fine and good, so moving out of the training section of the call floor to the production section of the floor; this was the first day I had to pick a temporary seat.
Partway through my shift, one of my neighbors left his station and was replaced by another. I froze when I heard him say his name to his clients.
“Hello, my name is Carlos.”
CARLOS!!!
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September 25, 2009
From the "Pay-day, pay-day, the-best-day-of-the-weekdays" Department
Well, today is the day I receive the first paycheck at the new job. YAY!
It is also the end of the first two weeks at the new job.
It is also the end of my “honeymoon” training period at the new job, I’m now a non-new-employee.
Given Maureen’s comment, I thought I would give a small Cubicle Review.
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September 15, 2009
From the "Thank-you-for-calling..." Department
At the time of this posting, The Editors of Jeremy-Gilby-dot-com are no longer unemployed.
It was 691 days ago that The Editors of Jeremy-Gilby-dot-com were Laid Off from the Not-So-Small-Software-Organization. Though technically, the official termination date was 677 days ago.
Still, it was too long.
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September 13, 2009
From the "The-Ultimate-Egalitarian-Puzzle" Department
One of the websites I infrequently enjoy is The People’s Cube. It is usually a pretty imaginative political parody site, with a faux-Communist/Marxist twist.
One of their marketing gimmicks is The People’s Cube Rubix Cube, the “favorite game of the Progressive Elites”.
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July 12, 2009
From the "What-ISP-do-we-have? We-all-have-Cox!" Department
The-Evil-Doctor-Merlin-Channing-Lowe-Jr. made a reference in a previous post in regards to technical issues with Jeremy-Gilby-dot-com.
What he was referencing is a funny situation we had with the Technical Support of our Internet Service Provider, back in the old place.
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June 27, 2009
From the "But-now-*I*-am-the-Master" Department
According to This I am a GMail Master.
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June 2, 2009
From the "With-my-team-I-am-an-absolute-czar" Department
CZAR:
- an emperor or king.
- (often initial capital letter) the former emperor of Russia.
- an autocratic ruler or leader.
- any person exercising great authority or power in a particular field: a czar of industry.
- an informal term for certain high-level officials in the United States Executive Branch who wield unspecified power, and operate independently of the United State Legislative Branch, as they do not undergo a confirmation process and are directly appointed by the Chief Executive.
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April 6, 2009
From the "Who-are-you-calling 'Scruffy-Looking'?" Department
In the course of my life in the geek realm, I’ve come across various pronouns in reference to technical jobs or tasks.
- Cubicle Monkey
- Log Zombie
- Data Entry Grunt
- Code Jockey
They sound like similar skill sets, but I think there is probably a difference…
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June 9, 2008
From the "Generation-X-is-dead. It-has-come-to-mean-anyone-aged-13-to-55-years-old." Department
It seems that some others are observing the new development of Generation Y entering the Workforce.
Cisco sent me these links of the Pontifications of Tamara J. Erickson, from the Harvard Business Publishing Website, and they have a different perspective of the interactions between the Baby Boomers, Generation X, and Generation Y in the workplace.
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October 24, 2007
From the "Voted-Off-The-Island" Department
In melancholy news from the cubicle jungle today, The Editors of Jeremy-Gilby-dot-com were officially Laid Off due to a “Workforce Reduction” and will no longer be employed by the Not-So-Small-Software-Organization.
The news was not as surprising as it sounds, the writing was on the wall, early this morning, as I entered the office. By the time 9:00 rolled around, I was in my exit interview.
So after 8 years and 2+ months, Jeremy R. Gilby has left the building.
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September 25, 2007
From the "Would-you-like-me-to-go-and-stick-my-head-in-a-bucket-of-water?" Department
I just realized, this morning, that this is the first full week I will have worked in well over a month.
The last time I worked a week without taking a single day off, was back in Mid August.
This is just one piece of Mindless Banter today.
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September 6, 2007
From the "T-minus 2 days" Department
You know those guys, in your cubicle jungle, who are just about to go on vacation?
And they are pretty much useless?
You know the types, the ones who wont take on any new action items, and the last day of “work” they are pretty much not in the office, even though they are sitting RIGHT THERE.
Pretty much useless, right?
Well, I’m that guy right now.
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August 28, 2007
From the "So, Rocky-V plus Rocky-II equals Rocky-VII: Adrian's Revenge!" Department
More Cubicle Hijinx this week as the Rocky Theme continues. After the events, which we are calling “Not Rocky V“, another cubicle dweller handed me a bag from KB Toy Store. Inside was this:
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August 16, 2007
From the "Not-Rocky-V" Department
One of the great constants in Philadelphian Culture, since the 1970s was the character Rocky Balboa.
Even in the surge of Personas like Vince Papale, chants of “Rocky, Rocky, Rocky” were heard thundering through the city streets of the City of Brotherly Love.
Even today, Rocky movies have found emergence out of the cradle of Philadelphian culture. Rocky was to Philadelphia what Uncle Sam was to the United States. It doesn’t take too long, when someone says “Yo! Adrian” to know where the speaker is quoting.
However, a good Philadelphian takes their Rocky seriously. Here was a character who personified the Philadelphian spirit. The Walk, the Attitude, the Drive, the emotion. It was all there, in a blockbuster movie role.
When Rocky Balboa came to theaters. I was excited. People who knew where my homeland was asked if I was going to see the new Rocky. And the question would inevitably come:
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July 25, 2007
From the "Segmentation-Fault: Dump-The-Core!" Department
Wednesdays are always a joy.
Thursdays are my Death-By-Meeting day (As I’m plundered by a plethora of meetings from 09:00 to 15:00)
But Wednesdays are my reporting days. Where I deliver, sometimes countless, reports to various units all over the world!
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July 19, 2007
From the "So-Hologramic oh-my T-V-C-one-five" Department
I don’t know if I should be concerned.
While I was in THREE HOURS of teleconference Meetings (2.5 of which I blame Cisco for), a Contractor was wandering around the cubicle jungle, and came by my desk with a device that looked like it came out of the movie GhostBusters.
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July 16, 2007
From the "Survey-SAYS!" Department
FYI, Marshie is back in the office
July 3, 2007
From the "Where's-
Marshie"
Department
Me: He’s not here.
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June 18, 2007
From the "I'm-going-to-need-some-Cubicle-Footprint-Credits" Department
June 12, 2007
From the "Not-Exactly-a-TimingGate-scandal" Department
The urgent is seldom important and the important is seldom urgent.
One thing you learn in a cubicle jungle, there is a lot of unimportant urgencies.
Its where all the Jihads, Ghost Hunts, Bulldogs, and EchoFlares come from.
One of the more frustrating functions of my role, is I serve two masters. The Call Center, and the Developers.
Each has their own cycle of up, and down, times; and they rarely match. And I find I’m in the unfortunate position of serving both.
For example, I’m trying to plan a way to take a vacation. A REAL vacation. And the prospects are bleak.
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June 5, 2007
From the "Will-there-be-Meetings? Of-course! No-Meetings!" Department
Cisco sented me this this link today:
Hack for Hire
The publisher of an online newspaper in California has hired two reporters in India to cover meetings of the Pasadena City Council. The outsourced reporters are going to watch Internet broadcasts of the meetings and then file their stories by e-mail. English is an official language of India.
They outsourced their journalism!
Brilliant!
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April 26, 2007
From the "Teach your-childrens-well,
Their-father's-hell did-slowly-go-by" Department
As it was Last Year so it is now.
Its 8:00 AM in the cubicle jungle, and there are about 80 childrens in the courtyard getting free breakfast.
All to prepare for a day of not-seeing-their-parents working.
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April 20, 2007
From the "The Jeremy-Gilby-dot-com Cubicle-Culture-Project" Department
Several years ago (Before Jeremy-Gilby-dot-com, even) The Editors of Jeremy-Gilby-dot-com went to catalogue Cubicle Culture. It was an early attempt of Jeremy-Gilby-dot-com Vernacular around the subject of the cubicle jungle.
Today, I was inspired to seek out my old documentation and republish them.
When I re-read these 7 year old documents, I’m reminded of a kinder more-innocent time as a Cubicle Monkey.
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April 13, 2007
From the "Empty-Chairs-at-Empty-Tables" Department
Just to give you an idea of how my week in the cubicle jungle went:
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April 9, 2007
From the "A-Workgroup-of-one" Department
This week in the cubicle jungle, The Editors of Jeremy-Gilby-dot-com find themselves completely alone from the rest of the cubicle world.
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April 5, 2007
From the "Workers-of-the-World, Unite! You-Have-Nothing-to-Lose-But-Your-Jobs" Department
I don’t know how I found this, (errant surfing, I think) but I landed on New York Magazine’s Office Survival Guide. Its a fluffy-kind-of piece which celebrates the hit TV Series “The Office” (Which I have yet to sit down and watch.)
But I looked through a few of the articles, and after 7.5 years of Cubicle Quagmire [I smell a new vernacular entry - ed.] I couldn’t relate with much of it.
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March 28, 2007
From the "The-Kitchen-Sink" Department
Several topics are running around in my head this morning, but none of them are making their way into any kind of thoughtful text:
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March 16, 2007
From the "There's-a-guy-who-works-in-another-room, or-on-another-floor" Department
Since the dawn of the Internet Age, I’ve seen several of these “How to make Geek employees happy” lists. Most are quite condescending: “I am Geek, you don’t understand me, make special cases for me, and give me what I want, and accept my iconoclastic behavior.”
This is a little more of the same, but for the first time, I really identified with one in particular:
8 Things Intelligent People, Geeks and Nerds Need To Work Happily
But, as a geek, I’m curious, how many of these “things” are appreciated by non-Geeks?
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March 2, 2007
From the "To-The-Shores-of- er... Costa Rica?" Department
Several websites/newspapers are talking about this topic of “Nearshoring“.
This has been tossed around for a few years now, given the surge of technology jobs being sent to places like India, the Philippines and East Djiboutistan. (Off-shoring) But I’ve also seen evidence of this near shoring phenomenon in places like Ireland, Argentina, and obviously Mexico. (Go NAFTA, and credit to CAFTA too.) … and possibly Lower Djiboutistan.
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February 28, 2007
Not that I want to speak ill of the Not-So-Small-Software-Organization or the cubicle jungle; but there have been some goings on, the past few days, and they have been weighing on me.
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January 17, 2007
From the "If-an-Easy-Button-is-all-it-takes-to-motivate-you, you-probably-have-a-very-easy-job, the-kind-robots-will-be-doing-soon" Department
One of my most used Christmas Presents this year came from my niece and nephew, Rachael and Daniel.
A
Staples Easy Button®
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December 22, 2006
From the "I’m-on top-of-the-world-looking down-on-this-software, And-the-only-explanation-I-can-find Is-that Microsoft's-nuts, and-thinks-that-You're-a-klutz, So-Vista's-put-you-on-top-of-the-world." Department
The Not-So-Small-Software-Organization dropped a new computer in my corporate Geek-O-Sphere in my cubicle jungle this week.
I’m one of the lucky schmucks who gets to test the new Microsoft Vista to see if it will work in our corporate culture.
Check it out:
Language English (United States) en-us
Operating System Microsoft WinVista
Browser Firefox 2.0
Mozilla/5.0 (Windows; U; Windows NT 6.0; en-US; rv:1.8.1.1) Gecko/20061204 Firefox/2.0.0.1
Javascript version 1.5
Monitor
Resolution : 1280 x 1024
Color Depth : 32 bits
Time of Visit Dec 22 2006 6:18:38 am
Last Page View Dec 22 2006 6:18:38 am
Visit Length 0 seconds
Page Views 1
Referring URL
Visit Entry Page http://jeremygilby.com/
Visit Exit Page http://jeremygilby.com/
So far, my review: It makes me feel like I’m using a Mac.
I hate it.
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November 29, 2006
I know, most of you are worried about what to get The Editors of Jeremy-Gilby-dot-com for Christmas.
Believe me, I feel your pain. I don’t know what to get me either!
But, there are some ideas that are bubbling to the surface; one is the not-so-new book from Despair-dot-com:
The Art of Demotivation
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November 7, 2006
From the "Who-says-that-you-have-to-be-alive-to-vote?" Department
Maybe you might be proud of me, maybe not. But I’m not paying attention to the election tonight.
I can read about it tomorrow.
Not tonight. I’m tired of it.
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September 18, 2006
From the "Ask-not-what-you-can-do-for-your-country. Ask-'what's-for-lunch?'" Department
The history of every major galactic civilization tends to pass through three distinct and recognizable phases, those of Survival, Inquiry, and Sophistication, otherwise known as the How, Why, and Where phases. For instance, the first phase is characterized by the question “How can we eat?” the second by “Why do we eat?” and the third by “Where shall we have lunch?”.
– Douglas Adams – The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
It is sad that the toughest decision of my day consists of what/where do I want to eat?
I make tons of “serious” decisions, daily; but everyday I come to an empass on this very personal, very essential, very trivial choice.
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September 15, 2006
From the "I'm-not-paid-to-be-nice; I'm-paid-to-be-right" Department
Earlier this week, Cisco and company came to the Jeremy-Gilby-dot-com Vicinity, to attend a conference sponsored by the Not-So-Small-Software-Organization. The Editors of Jeremy-Gilby-dot-com and The Co-Hort were also in attendance.
I knew that I would not take anything away from this conference, I was invited as a contributor. I was there to serve, not to receive. It became even more aparent that I would not take away anything vital to my job, as I soon learned that the majority of the people in attendance were in a sales or marketing role; and this conference was for them.
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August 16, 2006
From the "Does-this-do-e-commerce?" Department
Yesterday, Cisco was in town and we (along with “The co-hort”) both attended a “training session” on a new initiative between our Not-So-Small-Software-Organization and another Not-Small-at-all-Web-Organization.
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August 9, 2006
From the "The-Seven-Year (Rhymes-with-"itch")" Department
Today marks my seventh Anniversary with my Not-So-Small-Software-Organization.
Seven years of Cubicle Guerrilla Warfare in the cubicle jungle.
Seven Years of Office Jihads, Bulldogs, Ghost Hunts, EchoFlares, buzzwords and things like “Do the Needful“.
Seven Years of survival-of-the-fittest competitions with Greek Ninja Masters, and of course, Bottom-Dwelling blood-sucking marketing Leeches.
Seven Years of countless X1 and X2 deliverables, and negotiations with domestic partners and global partners.
It is times like this when The Editors of Jeremy-Gilby-dot-com take the opportunity, to pontificate, and attempt to rationalize their own employment half-life.
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July 19, 2006
From the "If-I-write-about-this-I-might-feel-better" Department
I’m in a foul mood today (well, not just today, but today I feel like admitting it) which flared up this morning due to some Cubicle Culture mindlessness. (And the hint of an Evil word like OSHA)
Anyways, during this kerfuffle, I was reminded of a few mindless events in other cubicle jungles I had heard about.
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May 11, 2006
From the "How-a-Bug-becomes-a-Law" Department
I had to come up with a new Vernacular Term, yesterday, in the cubicle jungle: The EchoFlare
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April 27, 2006
From the "Three-Ringed-Office, er, Circus" Department
Here in the cubicle jungle of the Not-So-Small-Software-Organization, there are a gaggle of little childrens running around making a mess of things.
I’d take pictures, but I would never be able to capture the chaos that has been instituted on our already volatile bunker in the desert.
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April 6, 2006
From the "I-like-to-be-in-America;
Ok-by-me-in-America;
Everything-free-in-America;
For-a-small-fee-in-America" Department
Not that I planned to participate, but a lot of conservatives are rallying around the “Take Your American Flag to Work Day“
I just happen to have two U.S. Flags at my desk, in my cubicle jungle, both of which I inherrited from former co-workers. (This one, I think I got from Stinkin Rick)
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March 30, 2006
From the "No, I'm-listening-to-Sean-Hannity, Really! Er, I-mean, I'm-listening-to-Al-Franken!" Department
One complaint I now have about my Sirius Radio service is their new marketing campaign around their new “Playboy Channel”
It is a free channel, that you must Otp-in to add to your service. (This is Sirius’ version of Parental Control :: which, ironicly, they do not do for their new “Cosmopolitan Channel” which is equally as vulgar, if you go by the Magazines themselves) I know all about the Playboy Channel, not because I’ve opted-in, but because I get to hear this commercial twice an hour, when the talk-shows are on their commecial breaks.
Anyways, I sent a complaint to the people at Sirius, about their Marketing, do you think I have a right to complain?
See below:
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March 13, 2006
From the "I-have-become-death; the-Destroyer-of-Workplaces" Department
Independent Sources points us to this interesting article from the AOL News Network’s Money Section:
Cubicles: The great mistake
Robert Oppenheimer agonized over building the A-bomb. Alfred Nobel got queasy about creating dynamite. Robert Propst invented nothing so destructive. Yet before he died in 2000, he lamented his unwitting contribution to what he called “monolithic insanity.”
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March 1, 2006
From the "Could-this-be-a-promotion-in-the-works? Yeah-Right!" Department
Anyone who follows news/politics knows about the Press’ use of the term “Senior Administration Official”, this clandestine office seems to know EVERYTHING that happens in the White House. It is as if this lone individual works in EVERY office of the White House AND Old Executive Office Building (OEOB).
Who is this enigmatic official with all the knowlege of the Executive Branch of the Government, and how come even the chumpiest of the chumpy reporterettes have access to him.
And how can he remain so annonymous?
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January 31, 2006
From the "Welcome-to-the-Hotel-Ciscofornia" Department
January 7, 2006
From the "What-you-say?" Department
Somehow, somewhere, in the Jeremy-Gilby-dot-com web-architecture; the mySQL server went FOOM.
(FOOM is a technical term. It looks and sounds like something blowing up, but without the combustion of blowing up. It can involve smoke.)
[Okay, I had to add that to the Vernacular Glossary Database (Which also uses the same broken mySQL) - ed.]
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December 1, 2005
From the "Save-us-from-the-Pygmy-Owl!" Department
While it might be an inside joke in the Local Tucson area (and only a joke for those who scoff at this kind of thing); but I unfortunately spotted a Pygmy Owl multiple times at my cubicle jungle.
I even tried to snap a picture of the little guy:
Hey, little-guy. Don’t you know you are endangered?
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November 16, 2005
From the "If-a-pretty-picture and a-cute-saying are all-it-takes to motivate you, You-probably-have-a-very-easy-job. The-kind-robots-will-be-doing-soon." Department
One of the last respites of sanity in any Cubicle Culture, is the subversive presence of Despair-dot-com. [corrected, thanks Cindy - .ed]
I’ve talked about Despair before and I have the need to do so again.
The subject at hand: Pretty Pictures.
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October 14, 2005
From the "I'm-on-my-way; I'm-on-my-way; Home-Sweet-Home" Department
Home sweet home.
Just got back into the house just moments ago. Poured myself a relaxing tasty adult beverage, looked over my 2 days worth of snail mail, and now posting to let everyone know I made it back safe.
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October 13, 2005
From the "The-Tour-de-Jeremy" Department
The Editors of Jeremy-Gilby-dot-com are on a “Road Trip” for the next few days, as the Not-So-Small-Software-Organization is sending us from our own cubicle jungle to the cubicle jungle of our co-workers Cisco (who is becoming a frequent commenter here) and Neil (who comments not so much) in the greater-Sacremento-area.
It should be a fun trip (and it better be, from all the cat herding that went on Tuesday Morning). It will be my first business trip since the cubicle jungle sent us to Virgina back in December 2001.
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October 10, 2005
From the "Guess-What!" Department
Today, was the Greatest Day in the cubicle jungle.
And you missed it!
October 7, 2005
From the "Handbooks-the-size-of-your-leg" Department
One of the more annoying things to a professional geek, is the constant badgering about passwords and security compliance.
Now, I’m not the most co-operative person when it comes to mandates from the IT department in our cubicle jungle; but at the same time, I’m also one of the least threatening users in the cubicle jungle.
So I find it tedious, and unproductive to constantly change my logins and passwords for the variety of internal tools that I use every 45 days.
(and all the rules about passwords that come with it: You can’t alternate! You can’t have real words! You have to use gibbrish characters! You HAVE to use letters AND Numbers! It HAS to be 16 characters long! You can’t be able to type it with one hand! The numbers can’t be sequential! The passwords can’t be sequential! The passwords cannot be changed on the Full Moon! You have to capitalize every other character non sequentially! You can’t be able to remember the password! You can’t write the password down!)
Today, a colleague and I were discussing the fact that yet another tool was swallowed by the password police.
I mean, I can understand the need for security, but I can’t understand (and there is probably a reason) why we’re trying to enforce a 3rd-party standards and practice on all our internal systems.
Then I looked down at my desk, and saw something funny. My infamous non-Macintosh Mac is ISO 9000 compliant (and probably the ONLY ISO Compliant system in the organization)
See below:
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October 5, 2005
From the "Feedback-Requested" Department
One of the major problems with Cubicle Jungles around the world is the issue of communication. Its the common thread in my previous posts regarding Jihads, Bulldogging, and Ghost Hunting; because people and groups are simply not communicating.
I ran into another issue, around poor communication, yesterday. It happened twice, and I imagine it happens a lot in a matrixed organization like my cubicle jungle.
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August 29, 2005
From the "How-much-you-want-to-bet-there-isn't-a-Vermouth-Pundit?" Department
This afternoon, some of the more specialized teams (like mine) were awarded with a nifty cubicle trinket. It was to The Editors of Jeremy-Gilby-dot-com’s surprise when our immediate manager presented us with a martini-glass.
Now, usually I’m not one to brag about any cubicle goodies I may-or-may not receive. But in this case, since I’m quite known for enjoying the tasty adult beverage known as the Martini, I felt it was worthy of a post on Jeremy-Gilby-dot-com.
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August 18, 2005
From the "Outsourcing-the-English-Language" Department
The Editors of Jeremy-Gilby-dot-com would like to highlight a growing phenomenon in Cubicle Jungles across America.
Doing the Needful
I first ran across this phenomenon about nine months ago, at first I thought it was a fluke, but as time went on, I slowly learned it was bigger than I first expected.
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August 2, 2005
From the "Woo-Woo! Woo-Woo!" Department
What a sight for sore eyes.
A few years ago (I believe it was the 2003 SuperBowl) there was possibly the greatest SuperBowl Commercial of all time.
Terry Tate: Office Linebacker
But, the last we heard of the Terrible Terry Tate was 2004, and Reebok all but disavowed the knowledge of their former advertising campaign.
But I finally unearthed it, by accident:
Terrible-Terry-Tate-dot-com
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May 15, 2005
From the "Let's-get-started (on-all-those-awesome-things-I-suggested)" Department
Of the sons of Issachar, men who understood the times, with knowledge of what Israel should do, their chiefs were two hundred; and all their kinsmen were at their command.
Tomorrow marks a change of the times, a change of seasons, in my working life. But I’m already feeling the changes today.
You see, my new department hired a second hand to help me complete the work I’ve been doing on a daily basis.
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May 13, 2005
From the "Attack-of-the-iPod-people, Part-II" Department
You may remember earlier this year, about our acquisition of the 
Jeremy-Gilby-dot-com iPod Special Edition iPod. (Hey, if U2 can have one, why can’t Jeremy-Gilby-dot com?)
In a surprise move yesterday, the cubicle jungle passed out free iShuffles to the employees, as a thank you for a job well done.
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May 9, 2005
From the "As-Thus-ends-our-broadcast-day" Department
Several of you have been asking about the life of the The Editors of Jeremy-Gilby-dot-com. Either because he has been incommunicado, or otherwise occupied.
Well, finally, the typical day has been revealed.
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May 6, 2005
From the "Okay, you-need-to-put-everything-back-in-the-box-and-send-it-all-back, you-are-too-stupid-to-use-your-computer" Department
What do you get when you get a bunch of non-internet-savvy Cubicle Dwellers in a overpopulated cubicle jungle?
You get an epidemic. That’s what.
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May 4, 2005
From the "If-blood-ever-gets-into-my-caffeine-stream, my-heart-will-start-working, and-I'll-have-to-care" Department
Alright, I’ve ranted about coffee before, but I have to again.
Maybe this is my impatience typing again, but every day this week I’ve been behind some “non-coffee drinker” co-worker, at the in-house-coffee-place in our cubicle jungle.
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April 24, 2005
From the "Na-Zdorovia" Department
Yeah, its a Sunday.
Yeah, its Jeremy
Yeah, its a Martini
Yeah, I had to go into the cubicle jungle today to put out a “fire” (It was one of *those* phone calls Stinkin Rick.)
But at least I get to try out my new Martini Glasses.
Now I’m lounging in style!
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April 12, 2005
From the "If-there's-something-strange In-your-neighborhood Who-you-gonna-call?" Department
It always seems to happen, especially in large organizations like a cubicle jungle, there erupts a faction which wants to fix a problem that doesn’t exist.
I like to call this trap: A Ghost Hunt
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March 6, 2005
From the "Sounds-like-somebody's-got-a-case-of-the-Mondays" Department
Just a short note: I don’t know how healthy it is to be watching Office Space while I’m working from home on a late Sunday Night.
Yeah, I log about 6-hours of uplink time every Sunday night.
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February 11, 2005
From the "Catch-A-Falling-Star-and-put-it-in-your-pocket" Department
Egads, I think I’ve overdone it this week… After a series of trips back and forth to the cubicle jungle, I’ve got too many toys to carry around.
I think I need to get another GeekSatchel to carry all this stuff, cause my pockets don’t cut it anymore.
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February 1, 2005
From the "I-see-where-the-problem-is: There-is-a-nut-loose-on-your-keyboard" Department
Yesterday a co-worker reminded me of some comedic genius of my technical support days.
It was a time when I was doing e-mail support, for a website hosting service that my Not-So-Small-Software-Organization once provided.
In this job, I answered a lot of stupid e-mails. So I pondered, “What if these users ever had a newborn baby, and had these questions? Would they ask such stupid questions… lets find out!”
So I took our most frequent e-mail requests and converted them to maternity language.
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January 31, 2005
From the "Of-cource-you-know, this-means-war!" Department
This brightened my day.
A Googlefight: How to virtually assault a geek-colleague from miles away… Matthew Maynard vs. Jeremy Gilby
Matt threw down the geek-gloves.
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January 28, 2005
From the "Rumors-of-my-death-have-been-greatly-exaggerated" Department
No, Jeremy-Gilby-dot-com is NOT out of business.
If you have been pinging Jeremy-Gilby-dot-com, all this week; I humbly apologize. Its not that I’ve been avoiding blogging, its been a hectic week is all.
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January 19, 2005
From the "If-I-wanted-your-opinion, I'd-beat-it-out-of-you" Department
Something of not-so-recent days popped into my head, and I wanted to document it, just for my own sanity.
When I first started this latest job position (Or the original varriant thereof) I found my decisions being subverted by outside forces. Pretty much, people were quick to go over my head.
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December 27, 2004
From the "The-Long-Night-of-Jeremy R. Gilby" Department
You might remember last year about my cubicle culture adventures with only artificial incandescent light. Because of some personnel changes around the cubicle jungle, today, I begin my Winter Solstice a week earlier than I expected.
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December 9, 2004
From the "Sorry-boss, I-couldn't-do-my-job, I-had-a-meeting" Department
There are a few certainties in a typical cubicle jungle.
Your job is not a certainty
Your Desk is not static
You will attend lots of meetings.
Once upon a time, I talked about an article on Agenda Detection: How to avoid useless meetings. I took a lot of it to heart, and added a few more criteria from experience.
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December 3, 2004
From the "Right-Click, Left-Click, Clicky-Clicky, now-you-try" Department
I don’t know if this is a normal occurance, but I thought I would throw it out there to see if this a regular thing.
A few weeks ago, I was entertaining a visitor from another office. He made an interesting observation about our cubicle jungle. He noticed that there were two castes of people. The Cubicle Managers, and the Cubicle Grunts.
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November 30, 2004
From the "Do-this, don't-do-that, can't-you-read-the-sign...?" Department
Some of the more Savvy Cubicle Dwellers have some unspoken barometers for determining the future success of a cubicle jungle. I observed one of these today in my breaks away from my desk:
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November 24, 2004
From the "I'm-glad-I'm-getting-a-couple-of-days-off-tomorrow-for-Thanksgiving" Department
[Vent Mode On] Okay, this has happened more times than I can count this week. Patience is running thin, and I’m almost down to my last straw.
Granted, I’m not the most social person in the world (and that is an understatement) – I dislike being interrupted, and I REALLY dislike repeating myself.
So throw those all together, what do you get?
My week:
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November 17, 2004
From the "I'll-bust-em-up-with-my-shield" Department
World of Warcraft (Beta) has stormed into the Cubicle Jungle, and many of my Cubicle Neighbors are talking about their nightly exploits in this networked Role-Playing Universe.
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October 1, 2004
From the "I-want-to-break-free" Department
Maybe you can tell from my choice of titles what band has been on my PC’s playlist this afternoon.
I was planning on bantering on about the Kerry Bush debate, but fortunately, the rest of the pajama brigade is doing a fine job of that.
The reason I seem to be at a loss for words today, is the fact that I’m dealing with politics in my own cubicle jungle.
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August 19, 2004
From the "Go-East-Young-Man" Department
For the past few days, my Cublcle Jungle has been moving desks.
Its common practice in Cubicle Culture to periodically move whole organizations to a different part of the building.
(I think its a secret plot to keep the facility clean) So its a good idea for cubicle dwellers to not get comfortable, because your just going to move again in about a year.
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August 9, 2004
From the "These-are-the-days-of-our-lives" Department
Today marks the 5th Anniversary of my employment at this not-so-small-software-organization. Granted, its not the “Seven Years” celebration Stinkin’ Rick a.k.a. “EvilHomer” had a few years back, but this is the first major milestone I’ve experienced in this Cubicle Jungle.
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June 16, 2004
From the "Yeah, and-you-thought-Tech-Support-was-boring..." Department
I don’t know if Stinkin’ Rick wanted to show off that he lost weight with his diet, or what, but he decided to go Retro and do “The Hammer”
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May 17, 2004
From the "Better-than-Cable" Department
Real life is really entertaining sometimes.
Picture it: May 7th, 2004, I read this comic from Day By Day – by Chris Muir my daily trolling of the Internet:
Not funny? Keep Reading…
(Comic Appears below)
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March 25, 2004
From the "How-Broken-Is-It?" Department
I was reading Peggy Noonan’s article today on Opinion-Journal-dot-com. I always look forward to her Thursday Column as she has a great Reagan-like perspective of things today. Which is often the same perspective I have. (And its nice reading something political that agrees with your way of thinking, rather then telling you how to think.)
But there was one passage that caught my attention, as I fall into the same trap with technical support.
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March 12, 2004
I’ve worked in a lot of places, and have done a lot of things, but one thing about working in this Cubicle Jungle office environment is that its quite unique. There are a lot of unspoken rules in regards to personal growth, strategy, and getting things done. You have to know the system, and work through its many eccenticities that come from such a complex bureaucracy of processes, policies, and other problems.
Over time, I’ve collected a series of simple phrases which guide my day, and keep me focused. Most of which came from a former director (of General Electric Fame). While this man was not the most successful guy in this cubicle jungle, his adages still ring true (even after several bloody reorganizations of not only my department, but the overall office)
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March 11, 2004
I’ve finally made the switch from the Palm Pilot to the Sony “Clie”. So now my Personal Data Assistant has a ton of bells and whistles, including an inexpensive digital recorder.
Stinkin’ Rick was the object of my testing.
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March 10, 2004
From the "Simple-Things-In-Life" Department
WARNING: Bathroom Humor found below:
Today, in the Cubicle Jungle, was one of the most unexpected surprises.
A day that has gone as missed for many months, and weeks.
A day that is quietly rejoiced by over 50% of the cubicle population.
New Urinal Cake Day!
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March 9, 2004
January 26, 2004
Last year’s Super Bowl did not just only show the fans of the world that Defense wins games. It also allowed Reebok to introduce their new marketing giant.
Terry Tate: Office Linebacker
Now, this is what I’m talking about.
Marketing that is fun, and has enough violence for the whole family.
And this Superbowl Sunday, Terry returns with his newest SuperBowl commericial.
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January 2, 2004
When I first started to work in this cubicle jungle, I saw a little mantra on one of the Cubicle Monger’s (Salesperson/Marketeer) desks.
A Day without a sale, is like a day without sunshine
I guess that could be true, especially if you lived and breathed off of commissions. But then again, I’m a salaried geek; when I hear the words commission and overtime, I pick up the dictionary.
So anyways, Today is January 2, 2004. For the next 3 months (especially the next 2-3 weeks) I’m going to be working close to 14 hour days (and some weekends), as this is the “busy season” for my organization.
- We’ve launched new product
- As I have a hand in people’s financial lives, the tax season has officially begun.
- As I work in Product Support, I’ll have a lot more bugs to fix.
- As I work as an analyst, I’ll have a lot more data to sift through.
And since its wintertime, the sun will not be out when I drive to and from the cubicle jungle.
Starlight and Florescent Lights, they will guide my way.
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September 25, 2003
In the Cubicle Jungle yesterday, my Cubicle Node moved their stations to the opposite side of the building of the Not-So-Small Software Company I work for.
Now, please realize that the building is a quater-mile long.
And we moved from one side, to the other.
(And I had to make over 6 trips)
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August 8, 2003
There are few life preservers in the torrent that is the Cubicle Jungle.
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June 27, 2003
After an interesting AIM conversation with Allison, I got to thinking about “the big picture.”
I think everyone can relate when I say that everyone, sometime in thier life, sees “The Big Picture.”
Where through some way or another, you look beyond you self-contained little world, and see the rest of the world for what it is. For some people this is a momentary pause in their life, for other people, the big picture consumes their life.
Usually, this is spurred by an event, a thought, or even a fleeting idea.
But every single time it happens, it always includes some thought to the effect of, “Wow. Now it makes more sense!”
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March 28, 2003
The Cubicle Jungle is enough of a crazy place, but add in Governor of Arizona, the Mayor of Tucson, and the President and CEO of this not-so-small-software-company, and you get CUBICLE MADNESS
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February 10, 2003
In my job, this situation comes more times then I truely appreciate.
A situation where I have to make a decision. Where I am the subject-matter-expert on a topic, and I’m the most informed to decide, one way or the other.
While this sounds like an ideal position to be in, and a place to get noticed, its not. It is more of a weight that will follow you for the rest of your career. Possibly beyond it.
A decision where either answer brings harm to the company.
Today, I had to make one such decision.
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January 3, 2003
Today was an interesting day in the Cubicle Jungle.
To cover our service levels in the call center, I was volunteered to handle 2nd Tier Support question and don the headset one more time.
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January 2, 2003
After being away from the Cubicle Jungle for a little over a week, I return to the frey to do my usual battle with Marketing and Product Development.
Nothing changed, has it?
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November 15, 2002
More people read this website then I imagined.
Today, in the Cubicle Jungle, I was accosted by several people (including the Director of Supportability) in regards to the remarks I made here.
After speaking my mind about a few things. I learned that all hope is not lost
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November 14, 2002
I keep telling myself it isn’t a demotion. But it feels like it is. That is the trap I fall into.
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October 21, 2002
Well does that not take the cake?
While I’m getting un-sober at a work sponsored after-wrok function, the guys in Facilities switched everyone’s chairs out.
So I come in and find that the chair I have been using in this Cubicle Jungle for the past three years was discarded.
And worse yet, I cannot stand this new chair.
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August 3, 2002
This week was a down week in terms of my job, as there was pressure on several fronts of a particular product that I support.
The toughest thing about my job is that I am a single technical point of contact for this particualr product. And that means that I have to evaluate all things that happen to this product, to assure its technical integrity.
So I have to contend with Developers who want to add new features, on the fly, becuase they are cool.
I have to contend with Marketing, who wants to promote features of this product that do not exist.
And I have to contend with Technical Support who has to deal with all the problems that are created or ignored by the developers.
So to help the world understand, I’ve summarized this whole complex equasion into one value: Money
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August 1, 2002
That’s right. August 1
At work, this is the start of the company’s new fiscal year.
Happy FY03!
For those of you who are still confused, companys will often start their fiscal years off-cycle from the calendar year. In my case, instead of tracking the company’s budget from January 1 to December 31, it tracks its budget from August 1 to July 31.
When you look at our peak season, and revenue periods, this makes more sense.
But regardless, the new fiscal year always brings my Annul raise, and a new budget to spend.
The other side of the coin, I now have more performance objectives to fulfill before next year comes.
July 18, 2002
Granted, I’m not one who is in a relationship, nor am I planning one in the near future, but this is something you will never see me do.
Date someone that I work with.
The ramifications are too punative.
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June 5, 2002
07:00: A Phone call startles the Geek Brigade awake. The Call is for me. Somehow I knew. Somehow, some spiritual sense came to me in a groggy state. “That Call is for me.”
And this was just the start of my day.
I think I could make this into a movie.
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