Pontifications and Other Mindless Banter

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April 11, 2006

Veni, Vidi, Vici – I came, Iran, I Nuke

Filed under: Pontifications — Jeremy @ 4:11:05 PM

From the "And-I-Ran, Iran-has-Nukes-Today" Department

Everyone is reporting the announcement that Iran has successfully enriched Uranium.

More coverage:

PS: Hans Blix, call your office.

“I am officially announcing that Iran has joined the group of those countries which have nuclear technology,” Ahmadinejad said in a televised address from the northeastern city of Mashhad.

The crowd that included top military commanders and clerics broke into cheers of “Allahu akbar!” or “God is great!” many times during the speech. Some stood and thrust their fists in the air.

You can imagine the joy of all that were gathered, when Ahmadinejad shared that Iran no longer has to depend on foreign oil for their Energy, and now can rely on Nuclear Energy for their electric power. It will be a real relief on their economy.

… oh wait… they have all the oil. What do they need nuclear power for?

… oh wait… nevermind.

Jeremy

Comments (16)

16 Comments »

You have to follow their logic through fully to understand their desperate need for nukes.

1) Iran has oil
2) Iran needs to burn the oil to get energy
3) Iran can’t see in the dark to light the oil
4) Iran will use the enriched uranium to create glow in the dark snap sticks.
5) Iran will use these glow in the dark snap sticks to illuminate their way to light the oil at night.

I mean, come on. Anyone can see the dire need of Iran to have glow in the dark snap sticks. And I bet if we ask them, they’d be happy to send us a few hundred thousand of those snap sticks for us to use. They say they have developed a special delivery device that is faster than Fed-Ex, something called a mis-sile. Personally, I expect the “missiles” to become the mail delivery service of the future.

And you’ve got to admit that glow in the dark snap sticks are pretty cool. Who wouldn’t want to enrich uranium to make some?

Comment by Chan — April 11, 2006 @ 8:41:51 PM

Waitaminute… could these snap sticks be used to power my car too?

Comment by Cisco — April 12, 2006 @ 7:20:53 AM

Yes, they can also be used to illuminate your briefcase. There are many useful applications for Iranian Glow Sticks.

Comment by Jeremy — April 12, 2006 @ 7:25:54 AM

I wonder if they could be used longer than just a few hours for the kids on Halloween, they could keep them as family heirlooms maybe.

Comment by Marshie — April 12, 2006 @ 8:53:06 AM

And this from Scrapple-Face-dot-com

(2006-04-12) “” To demonstrate its peaceful intentions in the wake of its latest breakthrough in uranium enrichment, the Islamic Republic of Iran today announced that by 2010 it would have enough nuclear power plants to provide all of its own energy needs. It will then start donating its oil and natural gas to poor and developing nations in Africa and elsewhere.

“Allah, the great and powerful, has granted our prayers for cheap, abundant nuclear energy which we’ll use to power homes, businesses and all vehicles,” said Iranian President Mahmoud Amadinejad. “As we achieve our goal of becoming independent of our own natural resources, our gentle ways will be evident to the whole world.”

Experts noted that a glut of free oil to third world countries would depress prices around the globe “” a welcome turn of events for Europeans who now pay the U.S. equivalent of about $6 per gallon for gasoline.

French President Jacques Chirac said Iran’s announcement provides “a successful, if unexpected resolution” to three years of European negotiations aimed at preventing Iran from developing the technology to make nuclear weapons.

The other “news” item in the article is ingenious as well.

Comment by Jeremy — April 12, 2006 @ 9:21:11 AM

In other news, Ahmadinejad has informed the nation of Iran that plans on the giant radioactive anti-infidel ant army are progressing smoothly. He then issued a fatwa deeming any mispelling of his name as a slight against Allah and punishable by being fed to the ravenous giant ant armies. And then he cackled. A lot.

Comment by Kyaa the Catlord — April 13, 2006 @ 7:04:23 AM

I, for one, welcome our ant overlords.

Comment by Cisco — April 13, 2006 @ 3:12:33 PM

Another pop-culture air ball from Cisco I fear…

Comment by Cisco — April 13, 2006 @ 11:27:42 PM

Well, Cisco, I think the effect is lost without the Kent Brockman voice.

Comment by Jeremy — April 14, 2006 @ 4:14:55 AM

[big smile]

Comment by Cisco — April 14, 2006 @ 9:34:07 AM

Few Simpsons refrences get by me.

Comment by Jeremy — April 14, 2006 @ 9:54:39 AM

I, too, understood it. Reference back to 1998 and a long road trip-Jeremy knows what I’m talking about. He was there. As was the ATF.

Comment by Chan — April 14, 2006 @ 3:26:48 PM

Ah, Texas.
Nothing but Oil Fields, radio towers, and the ATF.

Comment by Jeremy — April 14, 2006 @ 3:35:19 PM

“”¦ oh wait”¦ they have all the oil. What do they need nuclear power for?”¦ oh wait”¦ nevermind.”

Who are you referring to when you state “they.” The correct statement would be, “What do “the tyrants (like Ahmadinejad, and the so called “religious” leaders) ruling the country” need nuclear power for?
“¦oh wait”¦ nevermind.”

Let’s not get the People of Iran involved in this matter…they do not support or have anything to do with their dictatorial government.

Comment by John Matthews — May 3, 2006 @ 3:04:02 PM

Very good point, John. From what I’ve heard, amoung the citizens of Iran, the United States is quite popular. (Sheesh, Bush might have a higher approval rating in Iran then in the US)

Thanks for visiting!

Comment by Jeremy — May 3, 2006 @ 3:19:26 PM

[...] wont be long before those missiles are powered and armed with Iranian Glow-in-the-Dark Snap Sticks. TEHRAN, Iran “” Iran test-fired nine long- and medium-range missiles Wednesday during war games [...]

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